Stray hearts°

You look at me with kind eyes that stretch into the horizon, and whisper words made from the melody of your heartbeats. You look at me with feelings that flow, pouring flowers from your lips and onto mine. You stay. And I push. And you stay. And I can’t breathe. Because I look at you with the sorrow of the words you’ll never mean. I look at you with blame for all the pain you will impose on my survival. I see you on my sheets, staining them with your scent that will curl up under my spine and unearth my lungs.

I look like a fresh Lilly with dew on my petals, waking up on a Sunday morning, with life sprouting in my veins. I seem like a drowsy drizzle on the edge of your window, pulling you from your soft slumber to come play under the willow tree.

But fundamentally and down to the core, I am a drenched log, expanding from all the humidity that has caused my heart to weigh me down. I am a leap of faith that has seized to comprehend distance and dimensions. I am a sentence of jumbled up words allocating letters to the sounds they don’t belong to.

Love, I trust your eyes, your lashes clutching to them like they’re what make you thrive.

Love, I believe in the air that blows through your ribs, bringing you closer together.

I just don’t trust the time that it took for you to fall, the same time it will take you to put on your coat and walk away.

Just when you thought you had it all figured out…

It all starts with the first ray of light, the moment when you open your eyes and you cling to your sheets. That’s when all of the inspiration of the day hits you; the exact moment when your toes are cold and tingly, while your blood is soothing and warm through your veins.

And it all starts again…

Ibai Acevedo

Do you believe in coincidences?

Well I don’t… Everything is intertwined, all is interconnected. Every choice that I made yesterday will affect my life in ten years… you may call it the butterfly effect, you may call it karma or even the law of attraction… all these theories sum up to one and only ideology.

The choices you make today, will for sure affect your life path all the way. And with every changing variable, the entire equation changes.

And the single most influential variable of all: human nature…

The contradictions that lie within a person are mesmerizing, to say the least. People are filled with good and evil… essentially we’re all raw, wild, passionate and driven by our instincts… the black in the Ying. That’s when your parents, environment and society come in to mold you, to sculpt the little pieces of your soul into something more convenient to your entourage… Contradictions then arouse: good vs evil, right vs wrong, perfection vs imperfection… It all shapes you.

However, while some people think that it is in being absolutely good and pure and morally driven, you become perfect; I believe that it is when you balance the various aspects of your personality, that’s when you become whole.

A purely good person? How annoying is that! you can never believe such a person and at some point he/she will develop into being a snob show off.

Perfection is when you realize all the imperfection there are in a soul and create such a dynamic that will balance various aspects and contradictions out.

Therefore, every morning, I wake up with the tingly exciting feeling of wonderment:

How will this day shape me?

Where will my new encounters lead me?

Are the plans I made yesterday still valid today?

And what, Oh what will this new day surprise me with?

Inspired from an earlier undone post and from current events I am savoring as long as I get to

The light that leads into the dark.

As the air that swifts beneath the sand to lift it up and touch the sky, and the sea collapses embracing the shore, the sun glides into the horizon, hiding its face in masquerade and shame.

People wear off and slide under their sheets. Giving in, surrendering to the comfort and the warmth of their sanctuaries. Or is cowardice letting its face show after the struggle of a day?

Other lost souls wander off into the night, guided by the moonlight, torn apart by desire and ambition leading them into one road, whilst values and morals tread the other way.

People lost on the streets, smoking their cigarettes, drunken, broken, stolen and often cryin’

“Excuse me sir, may I borrow your soul for the night, for I can’t sleep when I dream, and when I’m awake I am flawed” begs and pleads the old man.

He spent his entire life trying like a gentleman, and his wife died of hunger and pain. Heartbroken, he was, when he swallowed his pride and overlooked his beliefs… he never under-looked ever since.

And the young woman laughs at him, spreading her legs, showing her thighs, hiding her tear, masking her scars. She is still 6 in her heart, but which man cares about such trivia and useless core values?

And fear in itself drives all the creatures of the night. Fear twists their arms and they fall on their knees unknowing. In the shadow of the moon, they all show their true nature, unveil their true passions and sell their souls for the self satisfaction of an addiction.

Who can honestly claim freedom from addiction? I know no such man.

And all men ask the same questions.
Questions they know how to answer.
Questions they know how to eliminate.

Then on, stupidity drags mediocrity; poverty drags failure; and money, oh the most powerful of all weapons, drags subordination.

Recommended playlist:
Bad things – Jett Everett
If everyone cared – Nickelback
Lost – Coldplay

Prison à ciel ouvert.

As I sit here, back in the garden I once was so familiar with, in the home that was once my haven, in the midst of the trees that were once 2 feet tall, I listen to the quite embrace of the breeze and I reminisce.

I remember the time when I “fell in love” with the first boy in my life. I was 12 at most. We used to ride the bike everyday through the summer. Then he had the brilliant idea of sending me a piece of paper with the question: “will you be my girlfriend” with three little boxes: yes, no, maybe.

Of course I said yes, and everything went downhill since that day. I was too scared to see him face to face and act all lovey dovey with him (even though by all standards that’s all we did before). And so I used to stand by my window behind the curtain and he would ride his bike past by and wave at me for hours…

Labels… how they ruin things.

My next boyfriend, when I grew up just a tiny bit older, I was more comfortable with for he was genuinely a nice guy who never pushed me past my capacities or my limits (or even the limits of our society which are very restraint, like very) and we used to talk on the phone all the time.

But then I had to tell my parents, who started planning and interfering, putting way too much pressure on a childhood crush and an adolescent relationship.

Again, labels crashed it all…

Then there was the big love in my high school life, my best friend. I suppose at the time we were confused between the limits between a close friendship between a guy and a girl on one hand, and the meaning of relationship on the other. And because we just had to label our relationship, I lost both my best friend and my boyfriend en un seul coup.

Need I say it again?

Then of course, you move out of your parents’ well structured cocoon into the real world that is abrupt, rude, condescending, ruthless and full of labels: the way you dress, your shoe brand, the people you hang out with, the major you’re studying, the music you listen to, the nail polish you use, the boy you date, the car you drive, the causes you support, the relationships you create.

www.ibaiacevedo.com
By Ibai Acevedo

It’s as if society wants to make it so hard for you to figure yourself out and know who you are and what you expect of this world, in order for you to fall in the standards it has created for you. Almost as if it is not conceivable to create your own personality from scratch and stand out from the rest.

As I sit in this garden that holds no secrets from me, I look at the now darkened sky. They sparkle, little shiny stars in the most beautiful sky. The all shine just the same radiant and sublime. But none of them is identical to the other. So similar and yet completely different.

How can a society grow and learn? How can a country evolve and mature? How can an individual experience their full potential in a country that still fights over religion, homosexuality and women’s rights?

A society is a generated result of many people’s minds, opinions and doings all put together. It cannot be confined in a box and have its growth potential limited.

And if so, it can no longer be called a society:  un prison a ciel ouvert.

On a rollercoaster.

We would all like to believe that we are in control of our emotions, that we could -willingly- feel an emotion or simply delete it. Since emotions are a pure product of the mind, this means that controlling them is not an absolute impossibility.

We would all like to think so.

On the other hand, we think of ourselves as impenetrable shields of facades and strengths. As if we could take on anything in the world and remain unchangeable, unwavering. As if this tough exterior can get hit by lightings of heartaches and thunders of sadness and earthquakes of seduction and still stand strong in the face of it all.

But there’s only so much that a human spirit can take on.

www.ibaiacevedo.com
By Ibai Acevedo

In the midst of an adventure, you will not feel the changes that you’re absorbing and that are imprinting on the deepest level of your being. However, when the time comes, you probably won’t recognize yourself. The vast disparity between the person you thought you were and the person you actually turned out to be will catch you off guard.

When you’re into something way too deep, you tend to lose track of time and space, and sadly you lose track of people. You put almost all of your emotional energy into something, thinking that you have found the perfect gateway for you.

But sometimes it’s important and needed to just drag yourself out of a story no matter how hard it is and take a good look at yourself; see if you like this person, if this person you thought you knew is satisfied. If not, then learn how to satisfy your needs, wants and desires.

Figure yourself out.

the two masks of hypocrisy.

Merriam-Webster defines hypocrisy as “feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not; especially: the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion.”

It is socially agreed upon that a hypocrite person is anyone who pretends to be something/one they’re not. When you walk past a woman, who has obviously had a couple of plastic surgeries, this word comes across your mind. When you’re with a group of friends and one of them is talking about her bungalow in Faraya and her Chalet in the South (even though you grew up in the same village) you think to yourself “what a hypocrite”. When your roommate comes back each night with 3 shopping bags, even though you know her parents are abroad forbidden to come back to these territories, you roll your eyes as she turns her back…

Yes we face hypocrisy in each and every day of our lives. We come across it and feel proud that we recognize it and solemnly say to whoever wants to listen that “I can deal with all kinds of people, except hypocrites.”

Ah, but then comes the dilemma…

When your mother has herself a face lift, because it’s one of her horrors to be getting old and she wants to enjoy her youth as much as possible, that’s not hypocrisy. When you feign to be spending your summer at your beach house, in order to blend in with the social bourgeois you so desperately want to hang out with, that’s not hypocrisy. When you go buy yourself a gorgeous 200$ dress, even though you know your father is going through hell to put you through college, so you could attend your university gala, that’s not hypocrisy

So which one is it… are all human hypocrite, or are they not?

www.ibaiacevedo.com
By Ibai Acevedo

The little loophole exists, but it is not to help you cover your actions, or to give excuses to people to act out beyond their character.

However, people must keep in mind that everything in this life is relative. Nothing is ever objective and general in this life. Variables change all the time and therefore all that is linked to them.

Before judging a person for who they seem to be, we must try to put ourselves in their shoes. Ask ourselves “why are they acting this way?”, “why does she feel the need to put on that mask around me?”, “why can’t she just be herself around them?”

Don’t get me wrong; as I said before, this has not a purpose of giving a person an alibi for their actions. But when you start understanding the reasons behind a person’s actions, a certain energy flow will go through both of you. Consequently, he/she will feel more comfortable in this safe/open/honest conversation and will lower their guards.

You see it’s not in a human’s nature to be hypocrite. Sure it exists. But it doesn’t come as an instinct. However, one of the most basic human impulses is self protection and preservation. Subsequently, when a person feels threatened in their society, such as their college or wok place – maybe even their family – they will lift the wall and put on the mask for two reasons:

1-      To blend in with the masses

2-      To limit the access to the vulnerable, honest and real aspect  of their humanity

It is alright to want to protect yourself. However, keep in mind, that every day is a struggle for everyone: the hardship of blending in, the need to rise up on the social scale, the protection of one’s entity…  but you have to try and be open to the various reasons why each person has the defense mechanism armor up.

On the other hand, you have to also allow yourself to let your guards down when you see a window of understanding or feel that energy flow with a person. It’s all a matter of give and take.

So next time you walk past that 40-something woman with a perfectly lifted face, think to yourself “that’s pretty courageous of her”. When you hear your friend showing off about the properties she doesn’t have, let her know that at least when it comes down to you she could be herself completely. And when your roommate walks in with Bvlgari and Longchamps bags smile at her and let her know how she is a wonderful person with or without those brands.

A new beginning.

ibaiacedevo.com

It all starts with the first ray of light, the moment when you open your eyes and you cling to your sheets. That’s when all of the inspiration of the day hits you; the exact moment when your toes are cold and tingly, while your blood is soothing and warm through your veins.

And it all starts again…

Do you believe in coincidences?

Well I don’t… Everything is intertwined, all is interconnected. Every choice that I made yesterday will affect my life in ten years… you may call it the butterfly effect, you may call it karma or even the law of attraction… all these theories sum up to one and only ideology.

The choices you make today, will for sure affect your life path all the way. And with every changing variable, the entire equation changes.

And the single most influential variable of all: human nature…

The contradictions that lie within a person are mesmerizing, to say the least. People are filled with good and evil… essentially we’re all raw, wild, passionate and driven by our instincts… the black in the Ying. That’s when your parents, environment and society come in to mold you, to sculpt the little pieces of your soul into something more convenient to your entourage… Contradictions then arouse: good vs evil, right vs wrong, perfection vs imperfection… It all shapes you.

However, while some people think that it is in being absolutely good and pure and morally driven, you become perfect; I believe that it is when you balance the various aspects of your personality, that’s when you become whole.

A purely good person? How annoying is that! you can never believe such a person and at some point he/she will develop into being a snob show off.

Perfection is when you realize all the imperfection there are in a soul and create such a dynamic that will balance various aspects and contradictions out.

Therefore, every morning, I wake up with the tingly exciting feeling of wonderment:

How will this day shape me?

Where will my new encounters lead me?

Are the plans I made yesterday still valid today?

And what, Oh what will this new day surprise me with?