Stray hearts°

You look at me with kind eyes that stretch into the horizon, and whisper words made from the melody of your heartbeats. You look at me with feelings that flow, pouring flowers from your lips and onto mine. You stay. And I push. And you stay. And I can’t breathe. Because I look at you with the sorrow of the words you’ll never mean. I look at you with blame for all the pain you will impose on my survival. I see you on my sheets, staining them with your scent that will curl up under my spine and unearth my lungs.

I look like a fresh Lilly with dew on my petals, waking up on a Sunday morning, with life sprouting in my veins. I seem like a drowsy drizzle on the edge of your window, pulling you from your soft slumber to come play under the willow tree.

But fundamentally and down to the core, I am a drenched log, expanding from all the humidity that has caused my heart to weigh me down. I am a leap of faith that has seized to comprehend distance and dimensions. I am a sentence of jumbled up words allocating letters to the sounds they don’t belong to.

Love, I trust your eyes, your lashes clutching to them like they’re what make you thrive.

Love, I believe in the air that blows through your ribs, bringing you closer together.

I just don’t trust the time that it took for you to fall, the same time it will take you to put on your coat and walk away.

«One lifetime ago»

Why don’t we pretend, if only for a second, that you and I are ancient lovers… For just on sunrise, let our skin touch under the rays of weightless light and electrify our senses. Let me turn towards your back and run my fingers down your spine and send you into a dream within a dream.
Let”s play pretend for one afternoon that I know exactly how you like your coffee while working at your desk. That me laying on the couch, feet in the air, reading a book, my head on your lap is the most natural thing in the world; that your scent is familiar to my heartbeat and that my cells go into a frenzy when they see your atoms approaching.
For just one sunset, hold my hand against your arched back as I see reflections in your eyes of candle lights and cotton clouds. Let’s just intertwine in a whirlwind of serenity and fall into eachother.
For just one day, only one, let’s blissfully imagine the life that we crave, if we had met one lifetime ago…

My leaves.

My autumn leaves come in four.

They float down around me, around my life and captivate me. They sing a little lullaby while they turn and turn. I try to catch them as I watch them dance swiftly in the blowing  wind.

I remember my first autumn leaf. I had never seen one before. It fell down on me and everything changed. Oh how beautifully it smelled, oh how  sweet. It got engraved in my soul so deep. It was unique and simple. Pure and perfect. If I close my eyes, I can remember. I can almost feel how safe I felt in the unfamiliar, the unknown. I let go and fell with my leaf.

But people are arrogant. They are selfish and gluttonous . My brain was tickled by all the leaves out there floating in the air, and I couldn’t have enough. I needed to see all the shades of green, all the various leaves fall from all the trees. Sip them through my fingers and breathe them in.

Then came the dream.

I had to prove to it that life is not all about instinct and desires. I had to show that leaf that there is so much more to look forward to than the deadly winter.

Winter came, and winter left. And I cradled my leaf, so fragile, so scared it would shatter from the cold. But try as I may, leaves are not supposed to outlive seasons and weathers.

They dry up and shatter in a dusty powder.

Overwhelmed with grief over my long lost yellow leaf, I walked through the trees. I dragged my legs one little step at a time, staring at the sky in all its colors, waiting.

That’s when it happened. I felt all the energy float into me, possess my body and revitalize it. I felt my veins pumping my blood and my heart beating fiercely. And I saw it. I saw that little brown leaf take me by the hand and walk me through the little rocky path. It showed me the way towards a little hill. Towards a little hut where everything was better somehow.

My leaf took care of me and nurtured me. It gave me tea and melody. It gave me my morning suns.

As it gave me life, I drained it. I sucked out all of its energy and force. I damaged my leaf, I broke it, I shattered it and dusted it off and I broke my own heart along the way.

I never meant to hurt it, I never meant to throw away the most amazing of them all. I just smashed it.

Just when I thought I had been given all the chances I deserved, I turned to my right and I ran. I ran so fast through the empty street. On the coldest night of them all, I ran. And I caught it before it touched the ground. With scratched elbows and bleeding knees I stood up tall, loving every bit of my leaf. It was all kinds of colors, all kinds of shades. That one was different. I could see right through it, see all its pain from the fall and I knew that all I wanted to do from now on, is bring it back to life. Brush life on its thorns. Sing it to sleep and walk it under the moonlight.

I owed it to my leaf.

I owed it to my leaves.

What I never knew, what I never noticed, was how these leaves were all driven by the wind. They floated wherever the wind blew. They tagged along searching for more, wanting more. Always more.

They never asked, they never looked back.

One night I looked to my left, and my leaf was gone. All I had left of it was a little drawing on my shelf.

And I wonder if you think about the stars and the birds…

 

Recommended Playlist:

Ed Sheeran – Autumn leaves

Bon Iver – Skinny love

Strays don’t sleep – For blue skies

Lena Chamamyan – Cha’am

Found*

Swirl into my mind and damage my senses, while I ache for everything that is you; I cling to your breath as if it were my own and enjoy every simple moment with you. My mind rumbles with enticing thoughts of our simple moments of pure insanity and I hide a smile; scared I’d be caught indulging yet again in one of our kisses.

In the dying leaves of my autumn heart you light up a fire to sooth my senses. And while I fly through a cloud, my fingertips almost touching the rain, I breathe in every bit of your smile.

“Swing my love til you’re drunk and happy,

Swing my dear til you’re drunk and free;

Ratle my bones and shake me

Turn me into a dark twisted fantasy.

Stop my heart from beating,

With a breath from your being;

Stitch me up and melt me down

A seed into the solid ground.

Bubble*

Fluttering bubbles in a kingdom of sea with anticipating desires and foreseen lust, wander off into the night, creeping on me slowly, coming out of nowhere teasing me in agony. I wonder what it would be like to stay in my bubble of light, reflecting all the colors of the rainbows in bewilderment.

Flutter my bubble up so high and let it not get to you… breath so hard and so strong, you can’t burst, even if they tried.

My dreams of oceans and seas, of wind and lust will grow into you and crush the sand.

Love is him.

–          Do you love me?

–          You know that I do.

–          But you don’t say it… do you love me?

–          That’s because you keep asking me, so I never get a chance to just say it.

–          So you don’t love me?

–          I never said that.

–          Just admit it!

–          I love you.

–          No you don’t! Admit it!

–          But I really do.

–          You do?

–          I really really do.

–          Do you want to know if I love you?

–          I do know.

–          How do you know?

–          I just figured.

–          What is that?

–          That you love me.

–          Well I don’t!

–          Why not?

–          Because you don’t love me!

–          You don’t make sense anymore.

–          You just don’t understand me.

Collapse into me

Dive into the big blue ocean,
Fearless
Crash into the devouring waves,
Sudden surrender
Fall into my arms
Collapse into me
And drift away with the tide

Dive into the big blue ocean,
Deep deep inside
Pinch the sandy ground and possess it

Swim far away where no soul can reach,
Where no voice can be heard,
Where all light is dim,
Where you can barely breath,
Where you surrender your thoughts and desires,
Where no body else can see you…

Swim far away… so far away…
I can still reach you…
I will always reach you
Through the sandy shore,
Underneath the ocean air…

Fall into me,
Collapse

I will carry you as you fall…
For i will fall with you
Cushion the blow
Hold you endlessly