Stray hearts°

You look at me with kind eyes that stretch into the horizon, and whisper words made from the melody of your heartbeats. You look at me with feelings that flow, pouring flowers from your lips and onto mine. You stay. And I push. And you stay. And I can’t breathe. Because I look at you with the sorrow of the words you’ll never mean. I look at you with blame for all the pain you will impose on my survival. I see you on my sheets, staining them with your scent that will curl up under my spine and unearth my lungs.

I look like a fresh Lilly with dew on my petals, waking up on a Sunday morning, with life sprouting in my veins. I seem like a drowsy drizzle on the edge of your window, pulling you from your soft slumber to come play under the willow tree.

But fundamentally and down to the core, I am a drenched log, expanding from all the humidity that has caused my heart to weigh me down. I am a leap of faith that has seized to comprehend distance and dimensions. I am a sentence of jumbled up words allocating letters to the sounds they don’t belong to.

Love, I trust your eyes, your lashes clutching to them like they’re what make you thrive.

Love, I believe in the air that blows through your ribs, bringing you closer together.

I just don’t trust the time that it took for you to fall, the same time it will take you to put on your coat and walk away.

The smiling dream… memories from a past I had forgotten

Let me tell you a little story… of a heart that is torn apart by fear, by desire.

On one side there is the beautiful dream…

The dream that is not tangible, that i will never get a hold of. The dream that fears me. That fears his desires. The dream that is fading… I try no to hold on so tightly to it so I don’t scare it. Dreams are made to be followed. and I’m following mine. I don’t know how much longer I get to enjoy it. But now that I have it I’m going to cherish it, cradle it, cuddle it… and do my best to understand it.

I will not have regrets.

I will love my dream, as long as i get to have it…

On the other side of my heart, I have a smile. A smile that enlightens my soul. A smile that I so long for. That I suffer when I see but can not touch. The smile I reach to grasp, and as soon as I feel it warm my heart, it tarnishes and hides in your sweet sweet face. Smiles are made to be enjoyed, to provoke, to desire… smiles make us smile… smiles are not supposed to fall in our traps and be hidden with our hands… so I enjoy this smile…

I will love this smile, as long as it keeps painting on my heart and soul… and so I sit here now, painting my feelings away. I sit here now, holding my brush thinking about the dream and the smile… and i wonder, will i ever get to get closer… will I be confided in…. will the candle enlighten my heart so it could erase all my confusion?!

Found*

Swirl into my mind and damage my senses, while I ache for everything that is you; I cling to your breath as if it were my own and enjoy every simple moment with you. My mind rumbles with enticing thoughts of our simple moments of pure insanity and I hide a smile; scared I’d be caught indulging yet again in one of our kisses.

In the dying leaves of my autumn heart you light up a fire to sooth my senses. And while I fly through a cloud, my fingertips almost touching the rain, I breathe in every bit of your smile.

“Swing my love til you’re drunk and happy,

Swing my dear til you’re drunk and free;

Ratle my bones and shake me

Turn me into a dark twisted fantasy.

Stop my heart from beating,

With a breath from your being;

Stitch me up and melt me down

A seed into the solid ground.

Sparkling drops, unwavering will…

I dream of a house, so perfectly drawn in my head. A little cabana made purely of glass. When the light comes at sunrise it illuminates the entire wooden floors. And just a little ray of soft light comes into the white curtains waking me up. I imagine myself waking up smiling every single morning stretching right out of bed.

As I get my steaming hot black coffee mug and run my feet on the fluffy soft cotton sky blue rug, I get out on the terrace. It’s vast and breezy. It’s barely six in the morning. You can get chills standing at the sea side breeze.  I sit on the bench cover up in a warm blanket and stare at the sea. It’s not blue. It’s not gray.

Every single morning it has a new feel to it. With time each wave will feel as a birth of a new color.

I can see my kitchen, big and wooden. I can almost reach for the pots hanging from the ceiling above the table-bar.  Every now and then, I’d cook something delightful, with lots of spices and colors. And the drooling smell would rise from the kitchen to the living room and devour the house with delight. I could almost taste it.

And on calm nights when I’d have company, I would make myself a martini from the mini bar while laughter would be searing in the background. I would be happy in those nights, but I wouldn’t feel satisfied, because company is not what I would be looking forward to.

You see after everyone is gone and all light is dim, I’d be sipping on my martini while my beloved would be at the other side of the kitchen bar talking and whispering, filling up the room with quiet melody and beautiful vibes. I can almost get the chills.

Then there are those days, where I’d want to be alone. I’d get my canvas and my paint and go out on the beach with my beautiful golden retriever Sacha. I could spend the entire day just playing with her and painting. Why wouldn’t I? It’s pure bliss!

I cannot imagine a life where I’m stuck in a two by two half a bedroom apartment being suffocated by the city lights and noises. i am in love with it now. But it’s not what I’m looking forward to.

Ever since I could remember, this image of my future has been the same.
I look forward to serenity, calm, happiness and satisfaction. I will make it happen, one way or another, someday I will be in that state of mind, heart and soul. And when I look back, I will feel like I haven’t missed out on anything to get there!