Rising above my own pettiness.

The hardest part of letting go of a grudge you’ve held on for so long, is realizing that you’ve been nesting it. When you stop giving yourself excuses and alibis for acting the way you do, for wasting so much energy on something, someone, that’s when the magic happens… and often, you just need someone to shake you and to simply ask you to “Snap out of it”

You see, there are fleeting moments in, life, beautiful moments that, to the wandering eye, may seem meaningless, but which in fact hold so much preciousness: sharing a glass of wine on the balcony or catching up with an old friend or even simply welcoming someone through the door… it’s such a waste to have little moments throughout your day tainted by so much anger.

Anger… what a feeling… it can drive the best of us to our own destruction, or motivate us and fuel our being and actions.
Either way, once anger settles, it becomes an inner monster leeching on your soul. When you let it out, shout, scream, break a couple of dishes, fall into sobs or simply paint it off; it slowly dissipates and filters out of your system. However, and this is when it becomes dangerous, when you let anger and frustration marinate within you and repress it, it eats your soul out, disfigures your heart, pops your veins, controls you movement. It becomes this black monster just waiting to destroy everything in its path…

It’s such a terrible thing when you let it get the best of you. Moreover, unless you snap this tight thread by its core, it will always keep resurfacing.

Grudges can last for so long. Sadly they linger especially between close ones, for when you feel such terrible emotions towards someone so dear and near, how do you find the courage- no the hearts- to tell them? To face them? How do you storm out on a beloved? When you’re feeling so hurt and betrayed, how do you share it? Do you show your wounds to those who hurt you the most?
And isn’t it a bit sad when those who supposedly love you the most, those who are the closest to you hurt you? Then again, it’s these people in fact and these only who have that power.

I guess it all balances out depending on how much you care and how indispensable this person is. Sacrifices must be made in all kinds of relationships. Question is, are they worth it?


4 thoughts on “Rising above my own pettiness.

  1. I don’t think it’s worth it with the hurt… life is too short for that and very few people are indispensable.
    And one of those fleeting, beautiful and precious moments was the afternoon spent with you!
    Happy New Year sweet one :-))

  2. Amazing post!
    Why is it that you always seem to capture the questions I ask and write them down in a post? why? Its amazing how you’re expressing things I’m kind of suppressing or trying to let go of in one way or another.

    Anger is such a fake, a creation of a mind filled with chaotic imagination. Sometimes its just a creation of something that doesn’t exist….well, most of the times anyways.

    I’ll leave this to settle as I think through your post today.

    Happy new year, and I wish you the absolute best!
    May the joy be with you :)

  3. You should take it to a certain extent, if they’re hurting you because you’re their only outlet at a certain period of time, then you let it pass, but if it’s recurrent and that person doesn’t seem to be doing something about it except just be in pain and dragging you with them into this agony, then you push away, IMHO

    1. But eventually i wouldn’t be able to accept it. when someone is using you as an outlet, in the back of your mind you would still take it because you know they need you. but when someone has no reason to make you angry, it’s hard to take in.
      especially if that someone couldn’t careless whether he/she is hurting you or not. i think most of my anger came from that point.
      i think mostly what pissed me off was human nature and how time worked its charm faster the other way around. it’s always hard to feel easily replaced, when at some point you felt greatly valued.
      but i can’t really be angry at human nature, can i?

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